Lessons from a Horse Whisperer
If you can communicate with a horse, you can communicate with your wife. Learn how.
From: Good Men Project
By: Steve Horsmon
In my work with married men struggling with their relationship, I’ll use ANY tool I need to make a break-through. Sometimes my background in training horses comes in handy to create “Ah-ha” moments for my frustrated clients.
Understanding how horses think and feel while trying to communicate with them is not an easy task. That’s why horses are so commonly used to teach trust, leadership, respect, and empathy in dozens of ways. Just search on “Horse Therapy” to find out how traumatized and disabled people, disadvantaged kids, and even corporate managers develop communication and empathy skills through horses.
It can be very beneficial personally for men to learn about the bond that lures thousands of young girls and older women into the horse’s web of seduction. A woman’s ability to empathize with a horse’s vulnerability and acute awareness of how pressure is felt seems to come naturally to them.
If a man wants to actively and purposely begin to improve his relationship with his lady, there’ a lot he can learn from the horse’s secrets. Learning to communicate his intentions in the language that FEELS right to her can begin to unwind years of misunderstandings and feelings of disrespect and disapproval. In other words, he can learn to empathize with his wife. Lack of empathy is one of the most common complaints I hear from unhappy wives.
If you can grasp the skills of communicating effectively with a horse you can begin to understand your wife’s perspective and experience of trying to communicate with YOU.”
A True Story at Every Ranch – Every Day
There’s a ranch hand working with a 3 year old horse in a round pen. The horse is new to the ranch and in its short life has learned to fear and distrust people. The ranch hand is being watched by the head horse trainer who has developed the reputation as one of those “natural horsemen” or “Whisperers”.
This is the 7th day in a row the young man has found himself with this horse in this pen for 2 hours trying to do ONE THING. All he wants is for the horse to trust him enough to quit running in circles, snorting, sneering, and kicking at him. Well, he also wants the horse to walk into the middle of the pen and stand quietly with him.
And he wants her to believe he won’t hurt her – that she is safe with him – that she will “join up” with him as calm, trusting horses are able to do. He wants to touch her without her getting wide-eyed and backing away. And, sometime soon, he wants to ride her and have her be ok with it – enjoy it even.
The Whisperer watches the young man mumble cuss words at the horse, swing his rope, wave his hat, and glare at her eyes as he chases her in circles. “Stupid horse”, the ranch hand thinks to himself.
The head trainer finally speaks.
Sometimes a Guy Doesn’t Know What He Doesn’t Know
“What am I doing wrong?!” the young man asks.
“Well”, the trainer started, “It’ll take another 7 days to answer that question, so I won’t try. You’ll be better off knowing what that mare needs from you to trust you. I thought you might start to get it after a while, but it’s not uncommon to see guys just try the same old stuff with more gusto thinking she’ll come around.”
Putting a hand on the young man’s shoulder, he said, “Over the last few days I’ve watched how you are with her. You’re loud. You’re bossy. You act unsure of yourself. You yank on her halter. You wave your arms a lot. You act scared of her. She thinks you’re scared of her.”