Human DNA found in horse feed

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Quark News / April 1, 2013

Sabbitical Farms breeding stud hunting for opportunities

Sabbitical Farms breeding stud hunting for opportunities

Denver – (AP)  Test have reveal human DNA in a shipment of 15,000 pounds of horse feed delivered to Sabbatical Breeding Farms in Denver, Colorado. Local law enforcement has asked the FBI to step in to assist in the investigation.

“At this point, we have no idea where the contamination occurred,” stated Lt. John Wheatly of the Colorado State Police. “It’s evident that somewhere along the line, illegal activity is involved.”

Brian Norquest, manager of Sabbatical farms, said the first indication of trouble came when the horses refused to eat the new grain. Sabbatical Farms is a nationally known breeding facility of grade horses. “These horses need to be kept as healthy as possible because of all the procreating they do. When a procreating horse doesn’t eat, there has to be an issue with the grain.” Norquest said he immediately sent samples of the grain to the lab for analysis.

Tungsten Labs director Earl Simwell was the first to find the human DNA and contacted Norquest with the result. Simwell said that while the human component was just over one percent, it completely threw the flavor off. “There’s nothing wrong with human meat,” he added. “It just doesn’t mix well with oats.”

Todd Axelrod of the Colorado State Department of Veterinarians disagreed. “Throughout their lifetime, humans are injected with all sorts of drugs. I certainly wouldn’t want my horse to eat that stuff.”

The Regional FBI office in Ft. Collins said they received the request for assistance and are looking into sending an investigator. Arnold Pecking, Chief Agent, stated that due to the sequester and subsequent budget cuts, the FBI is only investigating major crimes. “Minor crimes like murder and food supply contamination will simply have to wait,” he added. Pecking suggested that the BLM be contacted. “This sounds like an act committed by some wild horses.”




AUTHOR: Jerry Finch
38 Comments
  • Ranching Cowgirl

    HAHAHAHAH OMG that is WONDERFUL!

    Thank you for the making me laugh and smile today!

    April 1, 2013
    • jo

      the wild horses are going to put human meat in the horse food.? this sounds like a made up story. and they procreate grade horses.

      oh and nothing is wrong with human meat.? i guess the horses are smarter than the average 5th grader.

      April 1, 2013
  • Marge Mullen

    “There’s nothing wrong with human meat,” he added. “It just doesn’t mix well with oats.”

    They breed “grade horses” Call the BLM?

    Something is not quite right with this??

    April 1, 2013
  • Arlene

    You know I just have to Laugh at this one !!!!!!!well for a minute !!!!!!! But if this is in fact true !!! OMG !!! Just loved the answer from the Doc , about it being some Mustangs involved Hehehehehehheheheh and also the FBI answer !!!! TOOOOOO FUNNY Great April Fools Joke !!!!!

    April 1, 2013
  • Marge Mullen

    Hey Jerry if this is suppose to be an April Fools joke it is not funny!!

    April 1, 2013
  • Ranching Cowgirl

    Missing Politicians!

    April 1, 2013
    • Ann

      Good one!

      April 1, 2013
  • Judy

    I think the wild horses finally got back at the BLM and roundup contractors. They should have know it would happen some day. I’m glad it wasn’t me out there rounding them up. I wonder what Tim Bedore has to say about this? 🙂

    April 1, 2013
    • Ann

      Sure would be nice!

      April 1, 2013
  • Vickery eckhoff

    Happy April fools, Jerry!

    April 1, 2013
  • breadmaker4

    C’mon people it is funny. We do once in awhile have a right to and for our own health have a laugh.

    April 1, 2013
  • April Fool’s DAY !! Good one, thank you for the laugh!!!

    April 1, 2013
  • Janet Garcia - Gramas Cottage

    No matter how many years April first comes along, at some point during that day I forget it’s April fools. You got me. But you are bad… we’ve all got the radar on meat right now! 🙂

    April 1, 2013
  • barbara walch

    Wow I fell for that apples, carrots, and feed.. I believed it from the start! Good one I got gotten by the best!! thank you! 🙂 you don’t know how much I needed this!!!

    April 1, 2013
  • Mustang man

    Too Funny, I loved it. I wonder when Sue will have her response to it published? I’m sure they were just un wanted and starving humans and this was the most horseane way to take care of their over population.

    April 1, 2013
  • Jade

    I’m voting for April’s Fool joke! LOL

    April 1, 2013
  • Gayle-Suzanne Barron

    “Fried Green Tomatoes” Anyone?

    April 1, 2013
  • Gayle-Suzanne Barron

    “Human DNA will turn up in meat products, trust me!
    Now we know why they never found Jimmy Hoffa!
    “Solient Green” Anyone?
    So, then the next disease we need to look for is Mad Horse Disease?
    Humans Are Not Above ALL Forms Of Evil!

    April 1, 2013
  • HorseLady

    I had to laugh out loud – still giggling over this one. Thanks Jarry! It will make me smile for weeks to come.

    April 1, 2013
  • Patty Finch

    Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on me. But this year I’m on high alert and I did not fall for this….at least not until I tried to call Sabbatical Breeding Farm. 🙂

    April 1, 2013
  • Pam

    Well done. LOL

    April 1, 2013
  • Linda Jackson

    The 1973 science fiction film, (spelled) “Soylent Green,” is based on the 1966 novel, “Make Room! Make Room!.” The dystopian future of 2022 of a world suffering from pollution, overpopulation, poverty, depleted resources, dying oceans and hot climate due to the green house effect is premature. All things considered, I still rather people didn’t eat horses or horses eat people.

    April 1, 2013
  • MorganG

    Did the horses turn suddenly and knock the human into the grinding machine knickering as they did so? Has anyone seen Slaughterhouse Sue recently?

    April 1, 2013
  • Robynne Catheron

    Good one! You’re such a stinker 🙂

    April 1, 2013
  • Debbie Tracy

    Love it nice to laugh and smile!!!! 🙂

    April 1, 2013
  • Arla

    Well, if horses refuse to eat human meat, I think it’s only fair to return the respect.

    April 1, 2013
    • Arlene

      BRAVO Aria !!!!!!

      April 1, 2013
  • Lisa

    APRIL FOOLS!!!! too good. Yay horses!

    April 1, 2013
  • Arlene

    The very Best April Fool of the Day so far hehehehehheh, Loved the part of the Horses refusing to eat it , I think they call That GOOD HORSE SENSE!!!!!!!!! To Bad some Humans Have no Common Sense , Maybe the Mustangs will give Lessons in GOOD SENSE Also!!! Do Ya Think ?????

    April 1, 2013
  • Good one. I’m still laughing. I suspected something though when I saw it was from Quark News and the stuff about this huge grade breeding farm (say what?).

    April 1, 2013
  • April Markunas

    You never know. Someone could have put a body in the grain silo?

    April 1, 2013
  • Denise

    Funny! April Fool’s Day should always fall on a Monday – thanks for the laugh!

    April 1, 2013
  • sherriey

    oh boy! ya got me too!!!! i believed it until i started reading others responses…see….thats what being serious all the time does to you…..

    but…good one…!!!!!!!!!!!!

    April 1, 2013
  • S

    Thanks this is fully awesome! Although I have met a few horses that bite so much I think they would like the flavor 🙂

    April 1, 2013
  • DE

    Politicians have no human DNA.

    April 2, 2013
    • Ranching Cowgirl

      HAHAHAHA Oh your so RIGHT!!!!!!! Good one!

      I had to laugh even harder at those responses that thought it was a true story……… If it was true Rep Skye from Oklahoma would me missing!

      April 3, 2013